Plunging Into the Depth
The Doctor (Peter Capaldi) & Clara Oswald (Jenna Coleman) from BBC Doctor Who
Many things inspire me in such ways that they change the way I see, or react to the world around me. Even cause me to become a new version of myself. Sometimes wish that I could mold that inspiration to help me motivate myself more. It’s easily to be changed by a story, and let it affect you emotionally, but it’s hard to actually put into practice to be better than you once were. Not that the way you were wasn’t good, but we’re always growing and working towards the person we hope to be. I enjoy literature because we’re able to draw from our own experiences to make it our own, and we’re drawn to understand who we are. When it comes to good stories on film, may it be movies, tv shows, web series, these also affect us as well, because we find something that we can relate to, and/or help us deal with the struggles of life.
Since my last blog post, there were things that happened that made me drawn to write another post today. First, I found out that my essay which I had submitted to be published still has a chance. I received feedback on how to improve it, but I need to complete it before September. I was reminded once again how much revising seems to bring out an inner critic. I know from much of my experiences with writing that revising is a good thing, and my work can only get better. Yet every time I look at the comments, the inner critic seems to bring me down. Telling me that it’s not worth working on, or that I’ll never quite improve what I’ve written. It makes me sad, because I really want to complete my work and have this chance that might be once in a blue moon. Yet shows like Emma Approved & Doctor Who, remind me to be confident and that I can do anything I strive to do. Even with that, it still bothers me down to my core, like a fear that won’t go away. Some times feel like, if I could forget that what I wrote wasn’t mine, I could revise it without this ridiculous feeling. It’s not just this essay. I need to move on from this feeling, so I can revise better in the future, and not let it become a road block. Like I mentioned in my last post about Chasing Life, I want to live life in the moment, but some times I feel like I’m not doing that.
It’s all because of fear, but also comfort with the familiar. We don’t want to step out of our comfort zone, because we know most likely how things will go. Yet, all around us is change, something we can’t control. Only we wish we could. Clara from Doctor Who has been called (even from herself) as a control freak. If you don’t know already, I relate to her a lot, for many reasons. I think we’re control freaks because we fear the unknown, and we think by distracting ourselves we can forget that fear that seems to infect us, to a point we might stand there unsure what we can do. Yet something in recent fantastic episode (‘Deep Breath’) showed me, not only that we choose to have masks to fit into our world, we hope that we find those who we can trust to pull it off. As well as, something like a horrible teaching experience, can be turned around and make us stronger. So our fear turns from being a weakness to a strength.
Emma Woodhouse (Joanna Sotomura) and Alex Knightley (Brent Bailey) from Emma Approved
Second, I found myself recently getting into web series, which are kind of indie television shows. A while back I had gotten into the Lizzie Bennet Diaries (created by Pemberley Digital) because I had heard it was a modern adaptation of a Jane Austen (whom I’m a fan of) novel, with a twist, it’s filmed like a video blog. I came in kind of late with that show, I was there in the beginning for Emma Approved (also created by Pemberley Digital). Now that show has ended last week, I’m surprised how much the show has inspired me, and helped me deal with some past emotions. They did well to make the characters grow and realize what really matters in life. It might seem at first glance, maybe a bit superficial, because the character Emma is drawn to making the world better, match making, and fashion. Yet as her story goes on, and she makes mistakes, she learns and this affects those around her too. I feel others will see something similar in style with the new web series, Frankenstein MD (also created by Pemberley Digital but partnered with PBS Digital Studios). This series is unique not only for the fact that the show has decided to take the modern direction, but also make the main character female and focus on real science while weaving a story. Two other great web series that I’ve found are Classic Alice and The New Adventures of Peter + Wendy. These all hit upon the issues that I feel many adults my age (around 25) are dealing with but doesn’t seem to be discussed much. So it’s refreshing to find stories, even if they are adaptations, that connect to real world aspects, in such a way that they help us figure how we can deal and enhance our own lives.
Third, and last but not least, my religious faith. It has been bothering me lately that I haven’t been involved as much in my church as I used to when I was on break in between my undergrad and graduate studies. I had been feeling a bit lost and almost abandoned because the people that I met through those church events and/or ministries weren’t around any more besides possibly seeing them at the mass that I go to every Sunday. Almost similar to the feeling lately, that it seems like most of my friends don’t have time for me. I know it’s not their fault, and it’s understandable for them to be busy, but I still miss them. Also I’ve always enjoyed singing at church, even more so when I started singing in the choir. I found myself some times feeling like I wasn’t a good enough singer, and/or that I was trying too hard to perform. Additionally, it’s been hitting me hard seeing and hearing about those around the world suffering all because of their religious faith, or something else that defines who they are. It’s hard for me to see that kind of pain, or even read about it. Even with all this, I was reminded today that I was given the love of words and music to get closer to God, but it also defines the person I am and who I’ll always be. I know that no matter what, even when I feel alone, God will always “have my back.” What more can I ask for really. I have everything I need.
So I ask you, what pushes you forward when negative thoughts seem to come your way? If you find yourself fearful of the future, remember that it’s better to focus on the present and do your best. You never know, maybe what isn’t expected may might become something you thought was impossible. Additionally, please wish me luck not only on revising my essay but I’m also going to be starting back up with my graduate classes. I’m going to try my best to write a blog post at least once a month, like I’ve been doing most of this year. I feel it gives me chance to reflect, and let my voice be heard and counted in some way. Most of all, I hope that these blog posts help you in some way, either with: inspiration, hope, connection, reflection, or just to feel less alone.
Thanks for reading.
P.S. Don’t forget to pre-order the book, SILVERN (book 2 of GILDED series), written by my friend Christina Farley. It’s an amazing series so far, and I’m looking forward how she continues Jae’s story. If you’re fan of modern mythology tales, this series is recommended by me.
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